Living on the Sword’s Edge

LIVING SYMBOLS • SOUL COMPANIONS • HEALING JOURNEYS

Author & Narrator: Ryn Robinson
Photographer: Robert Sturman

“Not wanting to die
​is not a strong enough
reason to live.
​
​​—Identify what
you want ​
​to live FOR…”

– Cristi Christensen

T H E   C A L L

After years of a nomadic lifestyle, Cristi Christensen had just signed a lease on an apartment. Her yoga teaching was no longer confined to Zoom squares. She was once again traveling the world, sharing yoga, dance and meditation in communities near and far. And with the publication of her book, Chakra Rituals, she seemed to be stepping into a new chapter of her destiny. Young and radiant, the picture of health, she had the world in her hands. 2023 was to be “her” year.
​
But following one of the most powerful yoga retreats she had ever led—at Esalen, during the summer solstice—she began to feel unwell. Within hours, she could hardly move. Soon even breathing became difficult. Something was very wrong.


Tests, scans, more tests. Then the phone call no one expects:
“Aggressive. Cancer. Stage four. Rare.”

Those words brought her to her knees, instantly halting the life she had been living.


Cristi drew on her decades-long yogic path, believing that all her studies had prepared her for this moment. She wove together holistic and traditional medicine—ancient practices of Ayurveda, ancestral healers, sound healing ceremonies and more—integrated alongside the most intense Western treatments: chemotherapy, radiation, surgeries and immunotherapy. While chemotherapy worked to kill the lethal cancer cells, the side effects nearly broke her. After the first round, she thought the treatments themselves might be the death of her. Her body, once strong and familiar, became unrecognizable–FUBAR, as the saying goes: “F**ed Up Beyond All Recognition…”

T H E    P R A Y E R

The first year, after her diagnosis, she lived in survival consciousness—a toxic mixture of fear, anxiety, confusion and much anger. Each cycle of treatment carried her to the edge of despair. So many times she thought the end was near:
“I don’t have anything left to fight with…”


And yet, on the very brink, a fierce, powerful energy would rise up—akin to Kundalini, like the goddess Durga herself—a roar that howled through her battered body:
“Oh no, you’re not done yet.”


Her prayer was stripped bare, repeated over and over:
“Please. God. Help.”


No elaborate mantras, no rituals—just raw, soul-deep will to live. Her most powerful mantra became, and remains:
“I will make it through this moment.”


To shift her mindset, Cristi anchored herself in affirmations:
“I am a miracle.”
“I am living a long and healthy life.”


When fear flooded her, she reminded herself:
“This is only PART of my story…


This is NOT my WHOLE story…”

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